Jennifer Hudson Speaks On Family Murders

It's no secret that Jennifer Hudson has been through hell and back, but in the end, she has come out on top!

Opening up for the first time to VH1's Behind The Music about the day when she lost her mother, brother and nephew in a horrific murder, Hudson recounts that time in her life:

"It's all a blur, it was surreal. It was like I was outside of myself. For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out," she says. "I prayed when I'd get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night. Hudson barely addressed the murders until the 2009 Grammys, where she performed a poignant, moving rendition of "You Pulled Me Through." "I was definitely thinking of my family when I was singing that song," she says. "I could hear my brother in my head, like, 'Jennifer, you need to kill this, you need to get up and do it.' I knew he would be disappointed if I didn't do it justice."

*tear*

"I feel like I've lived about three or four different lives," she says, adding that her 11-month-old son David (with her fiancé David Otunga) has helped her heal. Little David, "reminds me of my nephew," says Hudson, and he also helps her remember her mother. "In so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom." Her son, she adds, "makes me feel like the most special person on earth. I want him to get the same love and the same upbringing my mother gave us."

This is just too much for me right now! I'm so happy she is finally able to speak about this, and that her son has given her a place where she can be happy again.

God bless.......